A "Clutter-full" Experience

As Jesus was commissioning the 12 disciples he said “... Do not take gold or silver or copper for your belts; no sack for the journey, or a second tunic, or sandals, or walking stick. The laborer deserves his keep.’ (Matthew 10:10)

And He also said “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62)

The week prior to entering the Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity as a Postluant, I prepared myself by ‘taking care’ of my office…which held many tasks such as cleaning out a very full filing cabinet, going through a crowded book case and a stack of filing that could not be ignored or simply thrown into the recycle bin (believe me, I was tempted!).  As I took on the tasks one by one I had a lot of time to reflect and time to realize how much stuff I have kept along the way and WHY I still had some of this stuff! 

askglenda.com

I discovered that I really didn’t need my old university papers or projects I was proud of, I don’t need the textbooks I used to learn “how to teach reading” or 20 copies of a Christmas Caroling booklet.  So, if I didn’t need them, why did I still have them?  I think some of it is pride (this paper proves I’m smart, or was), some of it is fear (what if I forget what digraphs and vowels are?) and some of it is just that nagging issue of not being able to let go very easily (I don’t want to forget that moving moment connected to that time we went caroling).

As I sifted, sorted, recycled, shredded and filed I began to feel overwhelmed (especially when I thought about all the other areas of my house that still need this attention) by the burden of material things, the burden of “stuff” but most of all the surprise of a burden of invisible things, things I didn’t realize I was hanging onto.  And I know I’m not alone in this.

For me, it’s not so much the letting go of physical things that causes me to “look back”, but the attachments associated with these things. These are good things, things that seem they should be treasured.  Memories, sentiments of care, love and kindness from loved ones, friends and students, things that are encouraging and have been life giving.  It seems like a paradox to let go of positive things.  But I think that in order for us to move on, we need to empty our vessel once in awhile so our Lord can fill it up with new love, grace and abundance (and part of the emptying is giving thanks before letting go).  

Other things to let go may be longtime grudges, resentments, deep seated anger and disappointments, these things can take up space in our vessel too…in fact, it’s the negative things that erode our vessels from the inside out.  That’s not good!

Sometimes we need a good washing out for our souls.  An examination of conscience to see what areas need cleansing is always good.   I think about the cleansing power of water, of mercy, of God’s forgiveness especially present in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  I think about water washing things away that are not needed anymore, water washing away impurity, leaving us holy and I think about how the Lord said He would cast our sins into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19).  As we are emptied, I think we can find, like I did in the feelings after cleaning out my office, that in emptiness there can be fullness…

There is something about St. Francis and his vision of Lady Poverty that intrigues me and that I don’t quite understand yet…but I do like this quote: “From his sojourn in the cave, he now knew that this lady was symbolic of the poor Christ, of chastity, of valor and courage, of chivalry and virtue and everything spiritual and fine.  But most of all she was Lady Poverty.  To serve her was all his desire.  Lady Poverty! To serve her was to be rich beyond imagining.  Lady Poverty was THE symbol of the paradoxes of the Gospel: richness in poverty, life in death, strength in weakness, beauty in the sordid and shabby, peace in conflict and in temptation, fullness in emptiness and, above all, love in detachment and deprivation”. (Francis: The Journey and The Dream. Murray Bodo p.11)

Love in detachment and deprivation, richness in poverty.  This cleaning out of my office clearly paralleled for me the cleaning out of one’s soul.  Detaching, deprivation, poverty in spirit, in relationships or in things that give us a sense of security could seem negative – but in the right context, they are beautiful.  It’s necessary to let go, relinquish, surrender, detach all those things that, no matter how good, could at some point become ‘clutter’ and keep us from our true focus, our Lord Jesus Christ.  And if we are to truly ‘take up our cross and follow Him’ I suppose following his footsteps of sacrifice is also something to be embraced and not feared/avoided.

Check out this article to see a picture and read a bit about the Sisters and Postulants I am journeying with:  http://www.fscc-calledtobe.org/living/index.php?p=12289